I Don't Love You, I Don't Know How
by Know it all hermione
Summary: Written for Xmas Fanfic Exchange . Sam Winchester and Harry Potter are dating but Sam has no soul . Sam asks Harry why the wizard is still with him if Sam can't feel anything anymore.


Disclaimer: I do not own not will I ever own Harry Potter or Supernatural .

Author's Notes: This was written for a Christmas fanfic exchange on the Facebook group Harry Potter Crossover fanfiction,Prompts and Challenges for SlashAddict4Life. I hope they like it and I hope everyone else does too! For now this just a one shot .

Prompt used :

"I don't love you , I don't know how"

* * *

Sam didn't know why he went back to Harry after returning from Hell, all he knew was that something in him had needed him badly and that even with how Sam was now Harry was still something special to him ...Harry was still very important .

It was the middle of a cold night when Sam found himself standing outside of Harry's front door , when the door opened finally Harry looked shocked to see him. The last time they had seen each other 3 months ago the world had almost ended , Sam had sacrificed himself to the depths of Hell to save the people he loved ...to save Harry .

Sam watched as tears gathered in Harry's green eyes before the other man quickly grabbed onto Sam tightly and pulled the hunter into a desperate kiss . For a moment Sam didn't react to the kiss but pretty soon he returned it , kissing Harry back with a kiss that was both hard and fierce .

After mere moments Sam deepened the kiss , he dominated the wizard's mouth and heard a muffled pleasurable noise of enjoyment as throughout the kissing his hands wandered , touching the other man and groping him .

When they finally separated Harry stared at Sam again , before grabbing the hunter's hand and pulling him inside.

"Harry do you mind if I stay with you for a while?" Sam asked .

Harry looked to Sam , he smiled . "Of course you can , I've …I've really missed you. After what happened I was afraid I'd never see you again. I love you"

"Thanks" Sam said before going to relax on Harry's couch , "Oh and please don't tell Bobby or Dean that I'm here or that I'm even back."

Harry frowned at Sam , "Why?! Sam, Dean is your brother and well ….isn't Bobby like a father to you? Shouldn't they know that you're back and alright?"

"No. No…I don't want them to know , not yet ."

Sam gave a pause , "Besides wouldn't you like to have me all to yourself for a while?"

Harry sat down next to Sam , he was silent for a moment before he gave a slight nod , feeling slightly guilty as he did so.

"Yes…that…that would be nice and I do want that but family is important Sam and yours love you , they deserve to know"

"It won't kill them to wait a while , I want to just be with you Harry".

Harry didn't feel good about it but if Sam wasn't ready to let Bobby and Dean know then he wasn't going to force him or go behind his back and tell them himself .

There was a silence soon as Harry made himself more comfortable on the couch and moved himself on top of Sam , emotion filling him up inside as he felt the hunter's strong arms wrap around him.

"I won't tell anyone you're here with me Sam…if..if that's what you want. I'm just glad you're back..please stay as long as you want."

"Thank you Harry , I will" Sam replied .

That night Sam and Harry slept together in Harry's bed and Harry found himself sleeping peacefully by Sam's side for the first time in what felt like months .

In the morning at breakfast Sam asked Harry if the wizard was still available , he wanted to know if Harry had moved on from him in the hunter's abscence .

Harry looked at Sam , he silently gave a nod in response. "I haven't been dating anyone Sam …"

Sam stared back at Harry , a satisfied feeling inside of him . Harry belonged to him after all , in every way and he knew that even with how he was since escaping from Hell he would not allow any one else to have the wizard.

"Good…" said Sam . "Because you belong to me , you know that , don't you Harry?"

Harry gave a reassuring nod to Sam , he reached out across the table and touched the hunter's cheek , caressing it softly .

"I still belong to you , don't worry" said Harry.

Sam looked satisfied by Harry's words and he leant across to kiss Harry .

A month passed by and the couple had started going on hunts together as Sam had commented to Harry one day that he felt restless and bored ….he had said that merely settling into a peaceful life with Harry just wasn't enough .

Harry was worried , though he didn't let it show . Ever since Sam had come back into his life he had noticed that Sam had changed somehow. Some changes Harry liked ….others he didn't.

Sam hadn't contacted Dean or Bobby yet either , something that Harry didn't like .

Sex with Sam was still incredible and at times rough but Harry no longer felt the love from Sam that he used to .

Sam was sassier now…more sarcastic and wasn't afraid to speak his mind , he now didn't care how his words would hurt people .

On hunts sometimes Sam would enjoy them more than he probably should and it was unnerving for Harry to see .

Harry wondered what exactly had happened to Sam to make him so different than before , at times Sam felt like an entirely different man …cold , callus and distant . Sam would never abuse Harry but he never acted like he cared about Harry anymore either.

In fact it wasn't just Harry that Sam had stopped caring for but he had also stopped feeling anything at all. Yes , he still felt physical pain , pleasure and anger but he never felt fear anymore ….nor did he feel worry or love .

This new Sam , sometimes would both talk and behave like he couldn't tell right or wrong anymore .

It was as if Sam Winchester had been replaced with someone else and Harry wasn't sure if he liked this new person or not.

When Sam and Harry had finally reunited with Dean and were on the road with Dean again , Sam wasn't the only one who seemed to have changed.

Harry was more quiet these days , despite Sam's change in personality he was determined to stay with Sam . After all Harry was sure that Sam had only become this way because of his time in Hell , it wasn't Sam's fault…even though it was causing problems for their relationship. He was sure that over time Sam would one day recover from whatever he had experienced and until that day came Harry would be there for him .

A week later after reuniting , Dean was paying for a couple of motel rooms for them to stay in when he heard Harry's quiet footsteps , he turned to see Harry .

"Hey…You okay Harry?" Dean asked as he soon put away his wallet.

Harry was unsmiling , quiet and to Dean seemed kind of sad .

"I'm fine… I just needed some time away from Sam" Harry muttered .

Dean looked as though he didn't believe Harry's words , especially not with how Harry looked and sounded. There was definitely something wrong , with both Harry and Sam , Dean could tell.

"No. Something is wrong Harry and I want to know what it is"

Harry was silent , and didn't answer for a few moments. "In your room then, I'll tell you what's wrong there, okay?"

Dean gave a nod and quickly took Harry back to Dean's motel room where after they both entered he shut the door, locked it and then demanded to know what was going on with Sam and Harry .

Harry gave a nod before speaking "Sam has just ….hasn't been the same since he got back from Hell , that's all. I don't know what he experienced there but he doesn't act like himself anymore"

"Oh…" Dean said , his voice sounding heavy .

Harry elaborated on how Sam had changed , his new personality and behaviour . After Harry was finished speaking Dean gave Harry a hug , seeing that Harry was close to tears .

"You should have told Bobby or myself about this" Dean said .

"I know Dean , I'm sorry …" Harry said apologetically as he returned the comforting embrace.

The hug didn't last long and they very soon broke apart .

"What can we do to help Sam?" Harry asked Dean . "Are you still in contact with that angel Castiel? Maybe he could use his powers to help somehow?"

Dean nodded in agreement , maybe Cas _could_ help.

However even though Dean had agreed with Harry and wanted to do something to help Sam he couldn't seem to contact Castiel .

Months later after they went on a hunt , they were back at a motel, intending to stay the night .

Tension was running high between the them and had been for a while. There was an argument between Sam and Dean about something that happened during the hunt and Harry who was also affected by what had happened sat on one of the beds with his eyes downcast , eyes of angry green staring to the floor .

There had been a close call with a monster this time , Dean had been attacked and almost died with Sam acting quite indifferent about it and hadn't even attempted to help . In fact if Harry hadn't been there Dean probably wouldn't be alive . This wasn't the first time this had happened either and it wasn't just Dean that this had happened to before , but Harry as well.

Harry watched the two brothers and listened to the fight , feeling useless …knowing that whatever he would have to say wouldn't help any . He had been through a similar fight with Sam at another occasion ….another monster …..another close call with death .

Eventually Dean had enough and looked as if he really wanted to punch his brother but instead stormed out angrily , slamming the door shut behind him.

Sam stared at the closed door , "What did I say wrong now?" Sam muttered "How fucking annoying , he's annoying! I don't get it!"

Harry gave a sigh that was filled with anger and frustration , he shot a sharp look at Sam and his next words were full of anger . "Sam , I love you but please bloody shut up! You are supposed to care when someone important to you almost dies!"

Sam gave his wizard boyfriend a light glare , but he knew both Harry and Dean were probably correct .

They knew what was wrong now , this hunt had revealed it to them , Sam had lost his soul. They didn't have any real confirmation of it yet , only the words of a monster but after discovering it everything now made sense.

Sam sat down slowly upon the bed and his hands placed themselves at the end of the motel bed that they were sitting on.

There was several moments of silence until Sam finally spoke again , "Harry , why are you still with me if I have no soul?"

Sam's voice sounded empty and held no emotion but at the same time there was a curious tone to his voice.

Harry glanced beside him at Sam , "Because I love you" he simply said.

"But I _don't_ love you , I don't know how. Without my soul I can't love you , I can't feel anything for anyone."

Even though Harry had already thought so before himself about the situation , he couldn't help but feeling hurt at the words Sam said. "Is this you breaking up with me?"

"No" said Sam .

Harry looked Sam , almost wanting to see pain or guilt in his boyfriend's eyes but of course he only saw an emotionless gaze staring back at him . "Then I'm staying."

They stayed sitting on the bed for awhile together .

A couple of weeks later Castiel finally responded to Dean's calls and prayers just turning up one day at the motel Harry , Dean and Sam were staying in at the time .

After hearing that Sam's soul had been severely damaged from been tortured by Lucifer and Michael in the cage and the pain could cause Sam to go insane if he had it returned to him Sam decided that he didn't want his soul back.

Harry had mixed feelings about it as he wanted Sam back how he used to be but also didn't want Sam's mind to break either.

As the Master of Death Harry knew that he could very easily summon Death to his side and get Sam's soul back but because of what they knew of the soul's condition he wasn't going to force something onto Sam that he didn't want .

Dean wasn't happy with this and decided that he would find a solution on his own , even if Sam didn't want him to.

Harry stayed with Sam , despite Sam being soulless , continuing to do his best to be there for Sam .

What Sam and Harry didn't know however was that it would only be a couple of weeks until Dean would succeed in returning Sam's soul to Sam's body , despite Sam not wanting it.


End file.
